


i remember the time when a kiss on the hand was enough (we knew we were meant to be loved)

by possibilist



Series: Fool's Gold Carmilla HSAU Deleted Scenes [10]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 22:21:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3305495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/possibilist/pseuds/possibilist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fool’s Gold Chapter 18 deleted scene, or the one where Laura & Carmilla want to kiss really badly at lunch & danny & kirsh actually do kiss a lot in the library.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i remember the time when a kiss on the hand was enough (we knew we were meant to be loved)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [whatsthedamage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatsthedamage/gifts).



> olivia & bianca ask me to do these for fun. i did not come up with hsau. i am not interjecting my own issues into these fics. i make no money from these. i do not encroach on the timeline nor advance the narrative. they tell me which scenes to put in. i add little details. the scenes are canon.

  
**i remember the time when a kiss on the hand was enough (we knew we were meant to be loved)**

.

 _i don’t want to wake up lonely/ i don’t want to just be fine/ i don’t want to keep on hoping/ forget what i had in mind_  
—broods, ‘mother and father’

//

He’s not really a  _bad_  kisser, and, hey, at the very least, when you’re kissing he’s not talking, so—total bonus. And you can appreciate good muscles, and when you feel down his back and then push him into a bookcase with a little thud, it’s not like he doesn’t work out or anything.

So, really, physically this isn’t too bad. And you know you’re a good kisser—you’re good at most physical things, really, to be fair.

And then Kirsch tugs on your bottom lip with his teeth and you  _hate_ the little whimper that escapes your mouth, but whatever, you bite his back harder and her groans, and you end up smiling, which makes him end up smiling, which is essentially a total disaster because you open your eyes for a second and see him grinning into another kiss and this is  _not_ a feelings thing.

It’s not.

He’s not really the  _worst_ guy in the world, though, you guess, because he might not be as smart as you but he’s at least decent, and maybe even kind, and he’s good to Laura and Will and all of the Zetas and he’s annoying as  _fuck_ but you guess he’s good to you too. Or, he has been, and, right now, he backs up from a kiss and sucks in a breath and you’re afraid he’s going to say something either completely ridiculous or actually nice, and you don’t want either of those, so you grab his hand and put it on your boob.

His eyes grow wide and he almost  _squeaks_  when you kiss him again, and he just kind of rests his hand there for a few seconds before he squeezes—once, gently, and it’s kind of nice, because, okay, girls are  _great_ and you’re still bi, like, really bi, but his hands are big and strong but he’s soft.

So it’s nice.

Physically.

You’re shoving him further into another stack of books and squeezing his ass, because, honestly, if this is just physical—and it is—you’re going to get your money’s worth.

And he seems to agree, because all of a sudden the top few buttons of your shirt are popping off, and you distantly wonder if you can have sex in a library or if that would definitely get you caught; probably the latter, but you’re definitely debating the merits of unzipping his pants, and you knock a few books off the shelf, but then you hear a little squeak, and you break apart as fast as you can.

“Fuck,  _shit_ ,” you say, because it’s only Laura and Carmilla—who, for their credit, definitely look like they were about to do the exact same thing you and Kirsch were doing—but not  _really_ , because they’re on the ground and you’re pretty sure they’re probably, like, in gross lesbian love with each other.

Which is  _definitely_ not what you’re feeling for Kirsch, because he says, “Relax, it’s only Laura,” and yep, there it is—really, really not in love.

Carmilla looks like she could kill a man in this very moment, and you almost want to laugh.

Carmilla says something characteristically snarky and Kirsch grabs a book and says something characteristically inane that pretty much none of you believe, because he’s holding a fucking encyclopedia, and then it’s kind of a terrible devolution of any sort of secret plan.

Luckily Laura and Carmilla are seemingly in the same cloud of heady  _physical_ want as you are, although they kind of both look confused too, and this is absolutely ridiculous.

Carmilla seems to think the same thing and you’re glad when they go their separate way, holding hands and generally being disgusting, and you look at Kirsch and walk back to where you’d dumped your backpack, give him a little wave, and say, “Well, that was thrilling.”

He looks a little loss and you sigh, and when he follows you tell yourself it’s absolutely nothing, that you don’t want him to—but you watch Laura and Carmilla before they turn the corner on their way out the door of the library, and Carmilla is laughing at something Laura said, and you think maybe something like that wouldn’t be  _so_ bad.

Maybe.

//

Intellectually, you know about sex drives and hormones and all of the things that, at seventeen, your body is supposed to be doing. For as much as you don’t give any shits about school, you’re plenty aware that you’re pretty smart, and you spend enough hours on the couch trying not to move and trying just to forget that you’re pretty sure you’ve watched documentaries and trashy reality TV on just about every subject.

So between pretty much being fluent in Latin and having read the entirety of the senior Postmodernism class’ reading list at UT—you’d found it online, whatever—you know plenty about sex drives. Even philosophically.

But this— _Laura_ ,  _wanting to kiss Laura_ —is doing things that really transcend logic, because your brain had been pretty much malfunctioning for a while around Laura, but now your entire body is really malfunctioning. Or, according to many scientific facts—functioning just as it’s supposed to.

It’d been different with Elle—not that she was less beautiful or kind or anything, but you were younger, you knew less—and Laura is closer to you than anyone else—Elle included—has been to you.

Probably in every sense of that concept at the moment, because you’re sitting on the floor by your lockers and she’s  _feeding you_ part of her peanut butter and jelly sandwich, ripping off little bits and you take them and try your very best to suck her fingers on each go, because if your body is going to be as tingly and unfocused and, well,  _wet_ as this, you figure Laura’s should be too. It’s only fair, and, after all, she’s definitely for equality. Of the sexes.

Her eyes are growing larger and her breathing is getting quicker and you take your time with this particular bite, lick a little bit of jelly off of her finger as slowly and with as much purpose as you possibly can, and she groans and says, “Carm.”

You smile a little and say, “We can trade places if you want. I’m sure you’d like the other side of this too.”

She puts down what’s left of her sandwich with a sigh and thunks her head back against the lockers.

You scoot closer and lean forward, balance on your wrist, which hurts like a fucking  _bitch_ , and she has her eyes closed, so she doesn’t really notice, and you try to readjust so you’re kind of just on your knees, but the floor is hard and the lockers are hard and you’re frustrated and in pain and you feel tears pricking at your eyes and when Laura opens hers, you shake your head and let out a  _fuck_ before you sit back.

Laura frowns and she’s about to say something when you just shake your head and she sighs and nods. But she moves closer to you, presses up against your good side, laces your hands, and then turns to you. Her face is  _so close_ , and she takes the hand that isn’t holding yours and runs it through your hair once and then says, “I want you to feel good things.”

You wonder if Laura knows  _at all_  what she just said, because you kind of go haywire for a moment, but you say, “Laura,” weakly, because you’re pretty sure the bell is going to ring, and, besides Laura, you kind of hate this fucking school, and she stares at you. She presses forward and your eyes flutter closed, and—whatever, maybe this place could be better than it has been in the past—but then you feel her kiss the tip of her nose, and—okay, and then you feel her move lower and kiss the bottom of your chin, and— _Laura_.

This is exactly the reason you love her, but, come  _on._

But she backs up and nods and the bell rings and she stands up and then offers her hand. You take it and she tugs you up gently and you squeeze her hand.

She smiles warmly and then hands you the rest of her sandwich.

“If you’re still hungry,” she says, then turns to walk toward her locker, waiting for you to follow.

You do.

**Author's Note:**

> check out carmilla's hsau, fool's gold, on ao3 or tumblr. track the tag [#carmilla hsau] for general updates, fanart, answered asks, & lots of other cool stuff. bianca's tumblr is felixdawkins; olivia's is turnandchasethewind.
> 
> new fool's gold chapters are posted every friday at 5-6 pm EST.  
> deleted scenes for every chapter are released every saturday 8-10 am EST.


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